About a Dog
Today's writing prompt: give your pet a back story!
You asked for a writing prompt, so here’s a fun one: come up with a back story for your pet. (If you don’t have a pet, you can borrow a friend’s, or a neighbor’s).
I don’t know how I got started with this, or if it’s something every pet owner does, but, for every dog I’ve had, there’s been an elaborate back story, built over time and with the contributions of spouses and children.
The back stories are very long, and extremely detailed, but here are the thumbnail sketches of the three dogs of my adulthood.
WENDELL
Wendell was the son of British nobility. Was set to inherit his father’s coronet and title when he was caught in the stables, in a compromising position with one of the stableboys. His father disowned him, and Wendell took ship to the New World, where he lived the life of a fabulous gay man in the heyday of New York’s club scene, before retiring to the quiet of central Pennsylvania. His father never spoke to him again, but his mother sent him money in the biscuit tin until the end of her life.
Other facts: Wendell was fashionable, and sometimes a little bitchy, and would lie on my bed with his paws crossed, assessing my outfits with a gimlet eye.
MOOCHIE
Moochie was a circus performer. She had a high wire act, and did tricks on horseback, until she was seduced and abandoned by her ne’er-do-well trapeze-act partner, Levon. Levon promised to make her an honest woman after she got pregnant, but it turned out that he was not a one-bitch kind of dog. Midway through their act, Moochie ‘accidentally’ let go of Levon and sent him plummeting to his death (when the police questioned her, she blamed this on not having opposable thumbs). When Moochie could no longer squeeze into her tiny spangled outfit, the circus left her behind at a little town in Maryland. There, she gave birth to her puppies (Mimi, Stinky, Gray Face, Left Eye, and That One), and waited patiently in foster care until she came to live with us.
Other facts: If Moochie was a person, she would have worn housedresses. She held grudges (especially toward Levon). She loved me, liked my husband and kids, and hated everyone else.
LEVON
That’s right, when Moochie went over the rainbow bridge, we adopted her ex (we spotted him in the window of a pet store that makes rescue dogs available for adoption, and we joke that when he saw us, he quickly nosed his sequined tights underneath his blanket).
Levon says that things did not go down the way Moochie told us that they had. In his version, Moochie was vengeful and cruel and that, after she dropped him, he faked his own death to get away from her.
Living under an an assumed name, Levon drifted south. He ended up on a farm in Tennessee, where the owner eventually gave Levon to her brother, a depressed country-western singer in Tennessee who’d had a single hit and spent the subsequent twenty years living off the royalties. Levon says they’d go hunting sometimes, but ‘hunting’ just meant that the country-western guy would cry in the woods instead of at home.
Eventually, Levon convinced the country-western guy to start touring again. Levon was the country-western guy’s manager, and they’d go on the tour bus (which was just the country-western guy’s car) and play at small clubs all over the south. Things were perfect, until the country-western guy got a girlfriend, who claimed to be allergic to dogs, and said, “It’s me or Levon.” Levon swears she was smirking at him through the rearview mirror as she and country-western guy dropped him off at the shelter and drove away.
Other facts: Levon has three monies in his fur. He used to have six monies, but fell victim to a pyramid scheme: a dog he met at the dog park said he could double his money if Levon gave it to that dog to invest. Thinks a lot about ways to earn more monies. Sometimes talks about teaching an extension course on his Patented Looks of Beseechment, which other dogs could gainfully employ. Or an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of the man toweling him off after a walk on a rainy day.
Okay, now it’s your turn! Subscribers: hop in the comments and me a few sentences’ worth of back story for your pet and/or a nearby animal. Make it funny! Break my heart!
Killian is a beautiful Irish lass whose red hair gleams in the sunlight. She was born in rural Ohio, the daughter of a hunting dog, Griffie, and his glamourous bitch, Jackie O. Life in rural Ohio didn't suit Jackie, so after her pups were born she left causing Griffie to seek new homes for his children. Killian was fortunate to be adopted by a family who lived on a beautiful Virginia farm which suited Killian's fine tastes. She spends her days chasing sparkles in her home and lounging gracefully on her couch, fooling her father into thinking she isn't bright. Thankfully, her mother knows that she is quite intelligent and tells her this frequently.
Scooby the was the youngest (and only) pug to graduate from Le Cordon Bleu. Graduating at the top of his class, Scooby was soon scouted and employed as a sous chef to Anthony Bourdain at Brasserie Les Halles. While perfecting his foie gras and escargot, Scooby also developed an unfortunate love for pommes frites which did not agree with his digestive system. This unfortunate development led to a lack of oxygen in the kitchen as well as turning Bourdain's demeanor from congenial to curmudgeon. Feeling responsible for such a drastic change in his boss (as well as the drastic increase in the potato budget), Scooby felt he had no choice but to punish himself in the worst way possible - he moved to NJ.
While in NJ, Scooby reached the lowest of lows. No longer surrounded by Michelin stars and stylish bistros, he was now relegated to working his way down the Parkway exits eating what was best referred to as “fast casual”. He missed his pomme frites & had a sneaking suspicion that in NJ his odor may have gone unnoticed.
One day while scarfing McDonald's fries off the sidewalk next to a garbage receptacle, he was discovered by a kind family who took him home. Upon entering the house, Scooby took note on the vast cookbook collection and perked up. As he was inspecting the titles, somethiing dropped on his head. Looking up, he discovered a young child now eating in a high chair where much of the delicious food fell to the ground. As Scooby ate the morsels, he once again passed a fart so noxious and noisy that the entire family jumped. After the sound died down (and everyone could breathe again), the wife yelled at the husband accusing him of the putrid puff. Aghast, the husband pointed at Scooby and to the wife's horror, claimed that the dog did it. Unfortunately for the husband, the wife had been experimenting with high fiber dishes so his claims were not received as a legitimate argument. This began a long pattern of accusations and denial that would continue throughout the years and always end in Scooby's favor.